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Bumblings of the Overqualified Underachiever

All of me, all at once

I am currently 34 years old, not working because I am an unpredictable manic depressive. Monday could be manageable and Tuesday could be non functioning. I have bouts of severe depression, I have OCD tendencies and I suffer from extreme bouts of paranoia. I do not live by a routine by any stretch of the imagination. I often have prolonged periods of either insomnia or of nocturnal living. I am actually happier living my life in the dark. It's just a pity one has to be quiet in the wee small hours. I am under medication and the care of my GP and psychiatrist.

I am British but was born as an army brat, out in Germany. We moved over to England when I was young but it affected my identity forever. I do not consider myself British but I have no right to call myself anything other. I have always been more continental in my outlook.

I am obsessive and become easily enchanted with all things new. People, hobbies, subjects of study, absolutely anything that whets my interest often becomes a fascination for me. I will become unhealthily absorbed by the newest 'shiny object' until I have mastered it, taken it apart, over analysed it, or in the case of people, they push me away. I am advised that this is possibly part of my illness....

I follow the darker side of the Pagan path, working with the God of the Underworld, Hades, and the undisputed Queen thereof, Hecate, in her crone manifestation. I have no idea why the darker side calls to me, or I to it. I am not closed to the idea of working with other deities but, as Hades and Hecate claimed me first, it would be with their permission and / or supervision. I no longer make a secret of my practises and although many people around me in real time don't understand them, they respect them.

My journal is not friends only, but those who aren't friends will be witness only to memes and the occasional random post.

So, welcome to my virtual corner of the universe. I welcome all who would like to friend me, for whatever reason, but request that you send me a message to introduce yourself - it's only polite you know!

100 Things About Me
1. I have 11 tattoos.
2. I have my next tattoos planned already.
3. I am diabetic.
4. I have Bipolar Disorder.
5. I have hypo - thyroidism.
6. My health is very closely monitored, and this makes me feel coseted.
7. I am morbidly obese.
8. My health worries my mother, who is convinced she will outlive me.
9. I had my lip pierced. I think I want it pierced again.
10. If I could change something physical, I'd have the tie under my tongue cut - it's too small.
11. I am bisexual.
12. I prefer polyamory to monogamy.
13. Bigamy is appealing to me.
14. I am more attracted to women than men.
15. I am currently in love with two men and dating a woman.
16. I try hard to improve myself.
17. I over analyse myself, but I enjoy doing it.
18. I like to think I am more logical than emotional, but I'm fooling myself.
19. I get obsessive.
20. I enjoy alphabetizing things.
21. Housekeeping is enjoyable to me.
22. I am always looking for new ways to organize myself.
23. I would like to do more with my time than I do.
24. I love swimming, and swim like a fish.
25. I need to exercise more than I do, but motivation is always an issue.
26. I am trying to enjoy cooking.
27. I much prefer eating.
28. I am owned by two cats, Salem and Willow. I love them both.
29. I have written my first novel. I am published on the kindle.
30. My husband pressures me to write, and this frightens my muse away.
31. Since my breakdown, I prefer film to music.
32. I enjoy living the nocturnal life.
33. If I don't get enough time alone I become very crabby.
34. I really really dislike surprises. They actually upset me.
35. I don't think I actually want to return to work, whether or not I am able to.
36. If I were to return to work, I think I'd seek employment in a library.
37. All things paranormal and supernatural fascinate me.
38. I've been told I have a gift for healing, and for tarot.
39. I am sceptical about my own gifts and rarely trust my own abilities / instincts.
40. I love to make lists, but this one is becoming difficult!
41. I wish I could come to a better understanding of who my father was.
42. I know I hold on to too many regrets regarding my father.
43. I have inherited alot of genetic diseases and flaws from my fathers line.
44. I find myself angry at my father because I inherited these diseases and flaws.
45. I still wish I had a chance to talk to him properly before he died.
46. I admire my mother for what she has been through.
47. I am amazed that my mother gave birth to two so different siblings.
48. I haven't seen my brother in years.
49. I don't ever want to see my brother again.
50. My brother is the one person left in the world who I could quite cheerfully visit physical violence upon.
51. I name inanimate objects, and I find it soothing.
52. I should avoid caffeine, not because I hate it - but because I become addicted to it too easily.
53. I would like to be able to do recreational drugs, but they don't work well with psychotropic medication!
54. I am a dog person and strongly identify with canines of all descriptions.
55. My favourite colour is red. I can't wear it though - I look like a strawberry.
56. I have problems staying faithful within relationships.
57. I used to smoke, and I hate that I can't, but when I do, I get very sick, very quickly.
58. I don't like flowers and cut flowers in the house really upset me when they begin dying.
59. I very very rarely drink alcohol, but when I do I feel it like a poison in my system sometimes for weeks afterwards.
60. I'm a Capricorn, and I believe in astrology.
61. I try hard not to use plastic carrier bags, and wish everyone else would do the same.
62. When I do use plastic bags, I save them, and crochet with the plastic.
63. I do not and will not use tanning beds, or any other form of fake tanning solution.
64. Even though I own loads of bookmarks, I fold down the corners on the books I'm reading.
65. I changed my name in 1999 - 2009 saw my tenth birthday!
66. I can live without my mobile phone very easily - but it seems to annoy those around me!
67. Receiving things in the post makes me extremely happy - so much so that I have sent myself letters in the past just to have something to look forward to.
68. I am very competitive - I cannot play Monopoly without sulking. I am a bad loser.
69. People who talk only of themselves are tiresome, and I don't like spending time with them.
70. I enjoy putting together furniture from flat packs. My husband can't do it.
71. I have aural hallucinations.
72. My hallucinations have four distinct 'personas'.
73. My aural companions tire me out, and this creates massive frustration for me.
74. I spend far too much time on the internet.
75. I am creative. I love to scrapbook, knit, crochet, create anything pretty.
76. I like to save little pots of money for projects I have on the go.
77. Money is very unimportant to me. Other people mistake this as generosity.
78. I loved to make my ex girlfriend and my husband happy and it amused me that they needed completely different things to be satisfied. I loved walking this tightrope.
79. I wear glasses now.
80. I used to be long sighted, but now I am becoming short sighted.
81. I tend to try and organize people.
82. Organizing people is the practical way I feel I can help someone who needs it.
83. I am a Pagan, and came to Paganism through Wicca, approached via Zen.
84. I still use Zen meditation as part of my practise in Paganism.
85. I've always wanted an 'ism' to label myself with, ever since I was little.
86. I can be very paranoid and believe people to be acting in ways that they are not.
87. I wish I had more friends. But I am a loner and it is difficult for people to understand that sometimes I want to spend time by myself.
88. I think people find it hard to be around me, because I tell the brutal truth.
89. I find it hard to be around people, because I find it hard to bring an end to a meeting that wears on past it's welcome time.
90. I am very accepting of all types of people.
91. I don't think I have met anyone who is as accepting as I am.
92. I was a vegetarian for a year when I was 16. A bacon sandwich broke my resolve.
93. My husband, my ex girlfriend and I have matching tattoos.
94. I get dressed by putting on my shoes first. I have done this since being a very young child.
95. I love musicals. Except Gigi.
96. I drive a Ford Fiesta but one day I'd like a car with power steering.
97. I have no points on my license, I once had points for speeding, when I was 18. These have been the only points I have ever had and I've never had an accident.
98. We honeymooned in Paris, and spent our first anniversary in Rome.
99. I bought a violin, because I wanted to learn to play, it frustrated me so much, I sold it.
100. My pet hate is being lied to: steal from me, gossip about me, anything at all, just don't lie to me.